From mastering the art of bai nian (CNY visiting) to navigating the “interrogation” from kaypoh relatives, here is everything you need to know about surviving your first Chinese New Year with your partner. We’ve rounded up 10 essential tips on etiquette, dressing, and traditions to help you secure their family’s stamp of approval.
Let’s be real, celebrating CNY with your significant other can feel less like a holiday and more like a high-stakes job interview. Between memorising what to call each relative and the pressure of meeting your partner’s family over hotpot, it’s not unusual to feel overwhelmed.
The secret to surviving the first Chinese New Year with your partner is all about being a “pro” guest or visitor. Whether it’s nailing your festive dressing to avoid any Chinese New Year taboos or knowing the unspoken rules for Chinese New Year for couples, a bit of prep prevents a lot of awkwardness. Here are some handy tips to win over the aunties and uncles.
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The meet-and-greet
It’s always nerve-wracking to visit your partner’s family and relatives for the first time, especially if you haven’t met them before. To make a lasting impression, be sure to follow basic CNY visiting guidelines for couples, such as arriving punctually and showing respect. Use these pointers to help you start the visit on the right foot:
1. Master the art of greeting
When you arrive, the first of the Chinese New Year traditions Singapore families observe is the formal greeting. Always address the elders first to show respect and filial piety. If you aren’t sure what to call a specific grand-aunt or cousin, ask your partner for a “cheat sheet” of titles before you step through the door. If all else fails or you forget the names and titles, simply follow your partner’s lead and greet their relatives accordingly.
2. The orange exchange
Don’t forget the most important Chinese New Year gift etiquette: always bring multiple pairs of bright mandarin oranges. Present them with both hands to their relatives and wish them well with festive greetings. For older folks, the classic 身体健康 (shēn tǐ jiàn kāng) to convey good health never fails. This simple act symbolises wishing them luck and prosperity for the year ahead.
Festive dressing and behaviour
Getting your look right for Chinese New Year isn’t just about style – it shows respect for family traditions and cultural customs. The way you dress and carry yourself can leave a lasting impression, especially when meeting relatives. We’ve listed some ways to ensure you look and act the part of the perfect partner.
3. Deflect awkward questions with a smile
You might face nosy queries about your salary or “when is your turn to get married,” but choose to be graciously unbothered instead of getting angry. A polite smile and a witty, light-hearted deflection will impress the elders much more than a defensive attitude. Try flattering them or asking for advice based on their “life experiences” to shift the focus back to them.
4. Bright is always better
When it comes to picking a Lunar New Year outfit in Singapore, red is the undisputed champion as it represents luck and vitality. Avoid wearing all-black or all-white outfits, as these are traditionally associated with mourning and are considered Chinese New Year taboos. Apart from colour, keep your festive dressing respectful and avoid overly revealing clothes or sloppy clothing when meeting the family.
5. Keep the PDA to a minimum
While you might be hopelessly in love, keep it together when visiting to avoid offending the conservative uncle, or worse still, grandma. It may be okay among friends, but to make a good impression on family, avoid excessive public displays of affection. Instead, focus on being a supportive partner by actively engaging in conversation and getting to know your partner’s relatives and family members.
6. Be the helpful guest
Don’t just sit on the sofa gorging on snacks. Offer to help clear the table or top up tea cups. Even if the host insists that you relax and “make yourself feel at home”, the gesture of wanting to help is a great way to show you value the family and the effort they’ve put into the meal or gathering. Taking initiative in small ways also leaves a strong impression of thoughtfulness and demonstrates good upbringing.
Dining and delicacies
Sharing a meal is the heart of the celebration, but it helps to know what to eat on Chinese New Year and the specific etiquette that comes with the reunion table. Follow these steps to navigate the feast like a total pro.
7. Lo hei like a pro
The Yu Sheng or Lo Hei is a symbolic CNY dish that’s always present at the dining table. During the Prosperity Toss, wait for the elders to start and keep your well-wishes enthusiastic but your tossing contained. A huge plus is if you’re able to lead and recite the greetings when adding the ingredients – it’ll surely make an impression.
Dateideas tip: Brush up on lo hei phrases using our cheat sheet beforehand!
8. Mind your table manners
In many local households, it is a sign of respect to serve the elders or your partner’s parents first before helping yourself. Using common ladles and serving spoons to portion out the best bits of fish or chicken for them is another show of respect that reflects well on your character and upbringing. Some families also invite their elders to start eating first so always check with your partner before digging in.
Gift giving and red packets
Understanding Chinese New Year gift etiquette is essential to avoid any paiseh moments when exchanging well-wishes with your partner’s family. Check out these guidelines to avoid awkwardness.
9. Understanding the ang bao flow
Chinese New Year ang bao etiquette can be tricky for dating couples. While most don’t expect to receive anything from a dating couple, younger cousins and kids might look at you longingly for a red packet, so it’s always good to be prepared with some small ang baos. If you’re unmarried, you’ll also receive them from elders. Wish them well politely with two oranges and receive the red packet in return with both hands. Don’t ever open them in front of the giver as it’s considered extremely disrespectful.
10. Thoughtful gifting
If you want to go beyond oranges, classic Chinese New Year gifts include hampers of bird’s nest, abalone, cookies, or even some fresh bak kwa. For something a little more personal and homemade, spend time making some homemade CNY goodies that you’ve slaved over the oven for, like simple cornflake cookies, or even pineapple tarts. It shows you’re a respectful guest and appreciate their hospitality. And it’ll earn you literal brownie points!
Bai Nian packing list: Mandarin oranges, ang baos, and CNY etiquette
It’s still the festive period (and a good two days of public holidays) so don’t forget to enjoy yourself! At the end of the day, being considerate, sincere, and attentive to those around you is what matters most. Try to enjoy the season, embrace the unique festivities in Singapore during Chinese New Year, and take any missteps in your stride. After all, it’s about celebrating new beginnings with the people you love.
with Love,
The Dateideas Team
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Frequently asked questions
How should dating couples handle awkward questions about marriage or future plans?
Answer with a smile and a brief, polite deflection – just say “not so soon” and shift the focus back to them by asking for their secret to a long and happy marriage. Keep things light to prevent tension.
How do couples split responsibilities during Chinese New Year visits?
One partner can handle the orange exchange while the other leads the greetings. For the meals and gatherings, divide tasks like helping with dishes or entertaining younger cousins to ensure both of you are contributing.
What’s the polite way to give and receive ang bao when you’re not married?
Receive ang baos with both hands and a thank you plus a well wish. You typically do not need to give them unless the recipients are much younger children or siblings as a gesture of goodwill.
What should you wear when meeting your partner’s family during Chinese New Year?
Opt for bright, auspicious colours like red, pink, or orange. Ensure your outfit is smart-casual and modest to show respect to the elders.
